It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize