Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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