so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
