i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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