so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
as a side note pls kill me
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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