Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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