I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have already put on my inside pants.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
