Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
