so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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