dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
