i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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