I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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