Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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