people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
