I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
