'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
