Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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