Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
