Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
