Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
