I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
