i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
