According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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