Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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