Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We named our party play list daddy issues
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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