I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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