bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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