I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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