I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
