I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
