I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
