you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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