you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
