He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
