K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
