i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
