i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
