I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
