he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
