Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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