I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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