Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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