i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
