$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
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So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
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