TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
