The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
