If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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