you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
