I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
