I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
