Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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