Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
