Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Randomize
