i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
