How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
