yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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