i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Acid is not a monday night drug
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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