he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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