Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
