I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am spending my child support on dildos
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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