I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
