clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
