this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Randomize
