Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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