Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
