you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
