Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I intend to get homeless drunk
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
