No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
