My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
