god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
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Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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