if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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