I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
