last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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